Friday, April 4, 2008

An Open Letter (to all the guys busted for pot on Cops and similar shows)

Dear All The Guys Busted for Pot on Cops and Similar Shows,

Let me be the first to offer my condolences. With all the unsolved murders, wife-beatings, and random acts of teen violence, it is ashame that you are getting arrested for possession of marijuana. You may not know it, but while you are handcuffed and pinned against your vehicle, I am sitting on my couch feeling for you.

To the Mexican guy who got caught with three nick bags of dirt rolled up in his sock, I am sorry it went down like that. Maybe if you had proper tags on your 1985 pick-up truck things would have gone differently, but the past is in the past. Best to just forget about it.

And to the two teenagers who got pulled over in their father's Audi, I truly felt that one. That was a really nice bong that the cops made you break on the street. You probably should not have been driving around smoking out of a brand new two foot bong but that is not the issue here. I hate to see it happen, but at least you did not get charged with anything. I guess you can take a life lesson out of this one.

The gentleman who got pulled over while out on a boat with some buddies? My heart goes out to you. It could have been a simple charge of boating under the influence but then they found your bowl and a glass container of what looked like a gram and a half of some high quality bud. Too bad. At least you have a boat.

The Afro-American lad who was chased through a few backyards got it pretty rough. Probably should not have run from the cops but these things happen. Getting caught with a zip-lock bag containing 20 or so grams of weed is never a good thing, and nobody wants to hear the words 'intent to distribute.' You were probably just trying to share some of that with some close friends.

Finally, to the older sir who got busted with a gram of marijuana, two crack rocks and a vial of cocaine, along with what looked to be a crudely fashioned crack pipe, I don't know what to say. Can't really approve of the other drugs. Hopefully you know a few guys in the local prison.

Though I may not be with you in the flesh, kind purveyors of the stickiest of the icky, I am there for you in spirit. So while you spend your time locked up behind bars, doing community service, or just thinking of an excuse to tell your parents, know that in a little patch of the country, there is a young man feeling your pain, sympathizing with your predicament, and keeping you in his prayers.

So to all those guys busted for pot on Cops and similar shows, I am sorry that it happened. But, as they say, better you than me.


R. Patrick


Chris H. said...

Who was that guy that Perfect Friend's parents used to hang with who wrote stream-of-consciousness children's books? Robert Patrick? Also, to all concerned, 'The 2-1-5' is pro-law-enforcement.

Rob said...

that was charles patrick.

the 2-1-5 is definitely pro-law enforcement.

bdod said...

Stupid cops, always bustin' up kids' good times. Don't ya just hate that?