Thursday, February 28, 2008

Drinking and Driving is Bad...Ass

At the risk of being redundant with my title, I thought I would point out some obvious things that everyone would or should know. I must agree that there are many good reasons that drinking and driving is bad, (especially the real dangers). That being said, it also makes you a sexual tyrannosaurus, much as the Body pointed out.

Conceding that facts #1-4 are not only accurate but just common sense, and working with in the time constraints outlined (however bumping up the time to leave till 6 am, as that is when real deal boozing takes place.) I must conclude that drinking and driving is, in many cases absolutely badass. Of course in the scenario mentioned there are many reasons for Billy to choose to stay but at the same time, but what if there were more to the story…Suppose that Billy has been trying to make moves on Sally all night. Now Billy knows Sally. Sally could be some girl who is just along for the night, an old classmate, or a crew regular with whom Billy would like engage in normal and healthy sexual relations. Once again, keeping in mind the drink limit laid out, suppose Billy has been drinking harder and faster than usual, either to use it as an elixir to take his game to new heights or to be able to say “hey it wasn’t me who made those inappropriate comments and groped you up! It was the booze talking.” What does Billy need in this situation: a parachute, provided from our good friend D&D. Billy will be able to say “fuck this shit, I am outta here baby.” to Sally and have all the positive experiences mentioned under fact number one. He will impress her as a real life Evil Kaneval, one who ready to please, and a force who can not be reckoned with.

Suppose also that Billy keeps his roll going at said buddy’s house, its six am and he is really hitting his stride, but everyone else can’t keep up. What if there is urine all over the floor? It’s at this point that he will be able to exercise his autonomy and be a pack leader, pulling ideas from outside of the box that may seem a bit too unorthodox and “zany” for some of his starched shirt friends. When he wakes up hung-over drunk, Billy will be able to leave his home and return to his buddy’s home for day drinking. This will allow him to believe that he has finished one mission and is embarking on a whole new quest. If he chooses to stay, Billy will never be rested and once he awakens, in the back of his mind he will be thinking “I have to get home, what kind of a sick degenerate am I?” But if Billy goes home he will be able to wake up and engage in all day booze jockeying, knowing full well that he fulfilled his duty of Friday night, and is just warming up for Saturday.

It’s tough to buttonhole a situation with as many potential twists and turns as Billy’s, you don’t want to trap someone in a box, you need to give him choice and hope and pray that he is a badass.

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