Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Moving Day LVP

Every guy has helped their buddy move to a new place at least a few times in his life. It's fuckin' great...you take a Saturday and rent a U-haul, knock back a few Yuenglings, and move some couches awkwardly down a few flights of stairs, then finish the day off by eating some pizzas and watching a Sixers game. Always a good time, the combination of drinking and lifting heavy objects creates a situation that is ripe for hilarity, and good memories.

But if you've ever gotten together a bunch of your bros to move a buddy into a new apartment, you know about that that guy. C'mon, you know about that guy...he's not really a part of the group, he's usually a friend of a friend, or somebody's girlfriend's brother. When that guy goes to the bathroom you ask the dude who you're moving out "Hey, who's that guy?" Your bro answers, "Oh, that guy? Yeah, that's Chuck, Sarah's brother. He's from Columbus, he's a good guy." Now, he doesn't have to be named Chuck- he could be named Brad, or Steve. Let me tell you about that guy. He is most definitely going to be the LVP of the day, the Least Valuable Player.

That guy often has sideburns and a fur-lined bomber jacket. He doesn't usually have much to say, because he is an outsider, but that's not what bothers me. It's his total lack of blue-collar work ethic. While your muscling a chaise lounge down the winding staircase of a rowhome, he's carrying a pillow and a couple of VHS tapes out to the U-haul. When you and one of your bros are precariously handing a mattress to a couple of your other bros through a second story window, he's sitting in the truck talking to some other toad on his cell phone. You come away at the end of the day with torn-up knuckles and a couple of new rips in your work jeans, but he's as clean as when yous started.

But thats not the only reason he gets LVP. Because while you and your dudes are working up a sweat moving shit and drinking beers, he's standing around, also drinking your beers, commenting on how you're moving the furniture. "No, no, guys, you have to angle the desk topwise." Man, what a strapper. And when its lunchtime, and you're all ordering pizza, and the dude who you're moving out asks what you all want on the pizza, that guy always wants some stupid shit like spinach and olives.

But every moving day needs an LVP. Who's the MVP? Joe. That guy can really move some shit.

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